Trigger warning: mentions of racism, sexism, sexualization of minors, suicide

You could say I’m the archenemis of Incels. I’m in my mid-twenties and an intersectional feminist who uses they/them pronouns. Generally, I find hetero cis-men repulsive in my everyday life—except for the one who managed to win my heart, though he can still get me riled up at times. Incels however, are on a whole other level than my sometimes insufferable boyfriend: The term “Incel” originates from the self-proclaimed expression “involuntary celibacy”. Incels are predominantly male individuals who turn their lack of success with women to hatred, go on rampant rants against feminists and societal norms and vent their frustrations through misogyny.

To understand the way Incels think, I log into one of the largest Incel forums called Incel.is. If we go by the forum’s rules, I wouldn’t even be allowed to sign up. Only Incels – defined as “men desiring a romantic relationship but unable to enter one”—are accepted into their community. Non-Incels, women, and LGBTQI+ individuals are not welcome. Creating an undercover identity, I adopted the persona of Matthias Habicht, born in 1996, and even set up a new email address for this experiment. During registration, I must describe my “situation” and reasons for joining the community. After preparing myself with the terminology, I try to apply it convincingly. Here’s what I wrote:

It takes a full day to get approved by the forum, as the Incel.is staff verifies my data to confirm my Incel status. On the day of my registration, the forum boasts 391,234 threads, 9,074,632 posts, and 18,477 members. I notice the “New Lost Soul” tab with a preview of the latest members to join, wondering if I’m briefly considered a new lost soul too. Reading through the forum’s rules, some make absolute sense, like their no harassment or illegal content policies. However, others are deeply disturbing. For example:

While I somehow expected this, the rule still made me sigh. I keep reading the rules, with another seeming initially reasonable:

My optimism wanes upon reading its footnote further down:

Disgusting.

One rule however, catches my attention in a different way: “No bluepilled content allowed.” Originating from the movie “The Matrix”, the term bluepilled references the choice between the Red Pill, which reveals the reality beyond the simulation, and the Blue Pill, perpetuating the familiar, comforting lie of the existing world. Incels seem to deeply reject affirmations like “you’ll find someone eventually” or “just be yourself”. They consider themselves enlightened, having escaped the Matrix and understand the harsh truths of the real dating world.

Here, Inceldom evolves beyond misogyny and into a conspiracy theory, employing various “pill” terms—redpill, purplepill, blackpill, whitepill—each with its own theories. These terms describe degrees of Inceldom, reasons for celibacy, or ethnic background. Greycel represents new Incels, while Femcels describe the underrepresented group of female Incels. Terms like Heightcel, Baldcel, Workcel, and Wristcel denote physical traits seen as vulnerabilities by their owners. In addition, many Incels argue non-white men are less attractive. BIPOC Incels cite their ethnic background as a barrier to attracting women. The “Just be white” theory asserts whiteness or being white-passing as crucial for male dating success. Instead, the BBC theory glorifies Black men’s masculinity and sex appeal, with BBV being the respective term for women. 

I pause, staring at my screen, needing time to process these conversations. Days later, I realize I never wanted to nor was I able to endure such profound misery.

The objectification and fetishization linked with the Incel ideology often escalate into dangerous extremism. For instance, user Subhuman Niceguy advocates Incels should “GO ER MORE”, referencing Elliot Rodgers, who infamously committed the 2014 Isla Vista killings, killing six people, injuring 14 and eventually ending his own life. Rodgers blamed society and women in a 141-page manifesto, depicting women and girls as inferior beings. He remains glorified among Incels til this day and is viewed as a hero and savior with admirers seeking to emulate him.

Similar to Rodgers, many Incels are prone to suicide – though instances of Incels turning to violence like Rodgers are rare. An Incel.is survey shows 78% suffer from extreme sadness, anxiety, and stress, with 82% contemplating suicide. A 2021 survey by the International Center for the Study of Violent Extremism reveals high rates of depression (64.3%) and anxiety disorders (27.9%) among respondents. 

Arriving in the depths of the Incel rabbit hole, I’m left bewildered. After my experiment, I’m relieved to log out for good. However, suddenly it’s become hard for me to dismiss the – although toned-down – sexist rhetorics mirrored in my everyday life post-research: Incel principles echo through our society, upbringing and interactions. Incels aren’t the only one’s feeling entitled to sex from women. Every man buying a woman a drink in hopes to go home with her, every man suprising his girlfriend with a gift expecting sex as a reward, or every man helping out a woman for a better chance of getting laid — these are all acts motivated by similar incentives. Even in our everyday lives, women are seen as objects of desire before they are seen as people. Incels pervert this normalized sexism into fetishism and terrorism.

While we may laugh at other people’s ignorance, it transforms into extremism in isolated communities the meantime, encouraging and provoking terrorism and necessitating scrutiny. Sure, we aren’t to blame for others’ actions, but the rising numbers of Incels are alarming and should pose as a warning sign. Young men, grappling with the opressive structures of patriarchy, seek validation in radicalized groups. Incels epitomize anger, instead of displaying insecurity, sadness or a desire to be truly loved —suppressing not just themselves, but others under the guise of toxic masculinity.